Soldier's Burden
by LadyAlambiel
Summary: Do you know the soldier's burden? Part of the 24 in 24 Authors' Challenge.


Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't...

Summary: Do you know the soldier's burden? Part of the 24 in 24 Authors' Challenge.

A/N: Fluffy piece...drabble-ish. This is set in my _A Light in the Darkness_ universe, but this oneshot can be read as a standalone.

**Soldier's Burden**

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Do you know the soldier's burden? I do...

It was late that Sixthday when he finally came home, late enough that I was already in the middle of readying for bed. It was his silence that told me something was wrong, that something was troubling him. My husband is not really the quiet one, especially when we're in our private quarters and he almost always talks to me from the moment he spots me...unless something had happened that stuck with him and not in a beneficial way. He didn't even look at me.

I paused in the middle of letting my hair down out of the fancy style I had worn for the banquet earlier as I watched him taking off his armor. I had only seen him like that twice before. The first time he did it, I had been taken by complete surprise. That first time it had been because of an ambush catching his troop by surprise on their routine investigation of a reported incursion by Giants along the Northern border, which would have been a violation of their treaty with Narnia. Eighteen soldiers lost their lives because of that ambush. Even as I grieved for the loss of life, I confess I still selfishly thanked Aslan that I hadn't lost _my_ soldier. But, he had been silent for hours after he had come home and finished informing the fallen soldiers' families in addition to writing a report that precisely detailed the ambush and the aftermath, and we hadn't even been married a full six months, so at first I had wondered if I had done something to anger him. Considering the sheer patience he always (well, almost always) demonstrated toward me, it seemed out of character…besides if he was running short on patience, he was loud not silent. So, I stayed quiet and waited until he finally told me what had happened. That had been the first time I realized how close he held certain things...hiding them even from me.

He walked up behind me and just rested his hands on my shoulders, still not saying anything. He leaned forward and kissed me on top of the head before reaching over my shoulder and gently tugging my brush out of my hand. Once we had relocated to our bed, he simply went to work pulling my hairpins free and undoing braids. He tended to be more tactile than myself, not to mention he's never been able to completely resist touching my hair in some context since even before we were courting. I tamped my curiosity and concern down as I waited for him to speak. He kept his touch gentle as he finished pulling the last of my hairpins free, but he stopped suddenly as he left the last few beads in my hair. He no longer touched me, but I could still feel the warmth of his presence behind me.

As much as I wanted to, I didn't turn around and a moment later my patience was rewarded. His voice was low, soft, and more strained than I had heard it in years. "We found the Fell."

He paused and I barely kept myself from saying anything. Yes, he had led a troop to track down a group of Fell who had been harassing several settlements in the Glasswater area over the last fortnight. But, something must have gone wrong somehow...I just didn't know what. He sighed and wrapped his arms around my shoulders and waist before he continued, "But, we didn't find them in time to prevent another attack. This one was far more devastating than the previous ones...there were no survivors. And, one of the victims..." Ah, there it was, the source of whatever heavy burden he carried home with him. His grip tightened almost painfully, but I didn't mention it. Instead, I reached up and ran my hand from his wrist up to his shoulder, offering silent comfort. "They spared no one, not even the children. There was a Centaur family and the foal was only a few weeks old, but they killed him too...the signs indicated that it was not a quick death." Oh no. No wonder this one had followed him home.

I wiggled a little and his grip eased slightly, allowing me to turn in his arms so I could finally face him. I sucked in my breath at the pained look of self-blame in his dark eyes. I shook my head and felt his grip on me loosen further. I reached out and placed my hand on his cheek even as I slipped my other hand into his, "This wasn't your fault. You cannot blame yourself for what the Fell did."

He shook his head, "We should have been there sooner, just a half-hour sooner and we could have saved most of the children."

I looked down at where our hands were intertwined before I quietly asked, "Including the foal?"

He looked down as well and gently squeezed my hand before he nodded, "Yes, including him."

Children were such a precious commodity and valued far above anything else in Narnia. We didn't have any yet, but I knew he wanted foals, colts and fillies both. And, he had helped train many a young foal over the years, but especially during the Long Winter. All of this meant seeing a murdered child and knowing that a matter of minutes had been the barrier preventing that young one's survival was an even more difficult burden to bear for he held himself accountable for every perceived failure. I wrapped one arm around his neck and whispered, "You destroyed the Fell. They will never harm another Narnian, another child."

He didn't answer. Instead, he just lifted my hand and pressed a kiss against the center of my palm. For awhile neither one of us spoke. We just lay in each other's arms. Holding each other close provided us with the simple reassurance derived from the comforting closeness of one's mate. The reassurance that we were both alive and well and safe because we were home and not continuing to fight an old battle or a new one...at least, not yet. He brushed my hair out of my eyes and kissed me before whispering that he loved me. I murmured that I was glad he was home and that I loved him. The silence was more peaceful now, as he didn't say anything else to me just closed his eyes even as he continued to hold me close.

Watching my husband finally sleep, I couldn't help thinking that the people who thought soldiers had an easy job, that we can just leave the horrors we sometimes witness in the course of fulfilling our duty to our country at the door and act like it never happened, are either extremely naïve or plain fools. Most of us cannot simply stop being soldiers when we come home, not all the time, and even though we do learn to compartmentalize sometimes the burden is too heavy...too close to home for us to drop it at the door. So tell me, do you truly know a soldier's burden? I do, I have carried it, I have seen friends and family carry it too. My experiences have taught me that a soldier's burden may be even heavier than he or she willingly acknowledges or allows his or her loved ones to see. It is something we, all of us whether soldier or civilian, should remember, no?

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**A/N: Please Read and Review! So, it's a bit of a drabble...just trying something a little different again. Anyway, it can be seen as somewhat tied with the fact that Sunday is Veterans Day since that did partially inspire me to write this one. Leave a review and let me know what y'all thought about this one.**


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